Friday, August 04, 2006

Kitler's Popular Marijuana Growing Global Conspiracy Shiznit

Dilbert creator Scott Adams helps himself to sleep by imagining a secret cabal of puppetmasters are handling all the important decisions and not the actual elected officials who are supposed to be. "Otherwise my survival depends on hordes of clueless goobers electing competent leaders," he says. "That’s about as likely as a dog pissing the Mona Lisa into a snow bank." And you've got to admit, he's kind of got a point. Take a look at the people who are supposed to be running your country. Wouldn't it be reassuring to know someone even remotely competent was working behind-the-scenes to keep things running smoothly? It'd be nice if they weren't inherently evil but, you know, you can't have everything. There's a great chapter in Jon Ronson's Them, where he infiltrates a gathering of the supposed Global Elite and finds he actually quite likes them. Maybe it's time to cast off the shackles of democracy and embrace shadowy global conspiracies.

Pictures of a marijuana growing factory - complete with an escape tunnel that comes out under a fake rock. No mention of whether anyone actually got away.

Could come in handy, I suppose - How To Fake Being A Geek. And if that doesn't work, why not apply a big red stamp clarifying your abject crapness by availing of The Poularity Dialer. If you eventually end up marrying your date, you might find you have to keep this up for the rest of your life. Or at least until she realises you're a cretin and lives you wallowing in your tears and piss with only an imaginary phone-friend for company.

Kitlers - cats that look like like Hitler and not just behave like him.

The new Shiznit is out - apparently. Not sure if it makes it all the way out here in the provinces though.